Getting to TED, sat next to Omar Sharif on the plane then shared a cab with Yahoo Serious. Now standing behind Tommy Tune in urinal line. [Link]

Just split a muffin with Snoop Dog! What's really funny is that the guy working the muffin counter is John Rocker. Almost feel sad for him. [Link]

A lot of people wonder why I got an invite to TED. It's because of my groundbreaking work in balloon animals. Also Chris Anderson owes me $. [Link]

At TED: Oprah just presented her orbital snack delivery system for kids in starving nations. Sat between Richard Clarke and the Burger King. [Link]

At TED: Damn. 3pm conflict. Flavor Flav on Proactive Media Positioning or Advanced Marmot with Sir David Attenborough? [Link]

@hotdogsladies Can't. Scored a coffee meeting with Shields & Yarnell. They're out of mime and into cold fusion now. Wanna come with? [Link]

At TED: Wow. Indigenous tribes are doing some *amazing* things in the stick and bone space. [Link]

At TED: Bonus session for tomorrow just announced. Malcolm Gladwell on Achieving Absurdist Hair for Managed Eccentricity. Awesome. [Link]

@GlennF You're just jealous because you're not at TED. Like I am. Ooh, there's Moby. [Link]

At TED: Lech Walesa is helping me prep for my presentation tomorrow. He knows almost as much about balloon animals as I do. [Link]

At TED: Up early to do yoga with Jennifer fricking Connelly. Then I.M. Pei is hosting an ironic breakfast featuring "Dadaist waffles". Yum! [Link]

At TED: Larry Flynt to demonstrate his World Wide Colonoscope later today. I think I'm going to give that one a pass. [Link]

At TED: Five words - Jello shooters with Maya Angelou. [Link]

At TED: Prediction: David Gallo's 2-man baking soda-powered submarine will do more for third world development than the OLPC. [Link]

At TED: My balloon animal presentation went really well. Great feedback from Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Stephen Hawking and Frank Chu. [Link]

At TED: Not proud of it, but I just had to punch Doris Kearns Goodwin in the face. Actually, you know what? I am proud of it. *Sick of her.* [Link]

@SlyM TED is an invitation-only event where the world's leading thinkers and doers gather to find inspiration and bottled water. [Link]

@siegel Several naturalist here at TED say that certain animals actually taste like lemon if you lick them. The marmoset, Keira Knightley. [Link]

A TED: Oh, jeez. DKG is making a *big* deal about the punch in the face incident. Seth Rogen and Desmond Tutu coming to my defense. [Link]

At TED: Holy crap, this whole DKG thing was finally winding down and out of nowhere Amy Tan runs up and cold cocks her. Amazing. [Link]

@scottsimpson You heard that ForeverBacon got moved to the Pavilion, right? They're Segwaying everyone over. [Link]

#TED In Bob Geldof's room trying to get J.J. Abrams drunk enough to open his "mystery box". [Link]

#TED Arrrrgh. Woke up next to Helen Fisher. [Link]

#TED LOL! David Foster Wallace just Rick rolled Louise Leakey. [Link]

#TED Can I just say how great it is that the absurdly rich, powerful and talented have a place to come and reenergize every year? [Link]

#TED Everyone really getting tired of Larry Lessig asking "How does this affect steampunk subculture?" Give it a fucking rest, Larry. [Link]

#TED Bob Ballard and Sally Ride heatedly arguing over which is cooler, inner space or outer. Jeez, get a room already. [Link]

#TED Al Gore just arrived by humpback whale. Looking forward to his macrobiotic kegger later tonight. [Link]

#TED Isaac Mizrahi showed his new line of clothing made entirely of swarming Amazonian insects. Fire ant camisole got a standing ovation. [Link]

#TED Michio Kaku threw up Chilean sea bass & imported sake in Ed Begley Jr.'s Prius. Discussion now on how to calculate the carbon points. [Link]

#TED Esther Dyson and Annie Proulx doing the bump. Think I might be ready to go home now. [Link]

#TED 4:30 am and still partying on the beach with Esther Dyson, Sarah Silverman and Zorro. [Link]

#TED Breakfast meeting to discuss the World Wildlife Fund's proposed system to catch, Flickr tag and release endangered Himalayan Yeti. [Link]

#TED A moving moment of silence before today's session in honor of those too indigent, uneducated or ugly to be invited to TED. [Link]

#TED Mizrahi rather concerned as no one has seen the fire ant model since yesterday. [Link]

#TED Excitement building as Gore is about to speak. Sitting between Robert DeNiro and Mon Mothma. [Link]

#TED Gore says global warming alone no longer giving him enough of a charge. Now also into asteroid collision and Thai snuff films. [Link]

#TED Lunch on the beach. Eating with Dave Eggers, the Deep Unknowable Essence of the Human Condition and Tony Stark, Director of SHIELD. [Link]

#TED Over. Taking a cab to the airport with Philip Roth and Shiva, Lord of Destruction. Discussing net neutrality. [Link]

#TED Ran into DKG at the airport. Socked her in the mouth again for good measure. "Your baseball book sucked, you overrated plagiarist." [Link]

@wilshipley Dude, we spent most of Thursday night together. You were *so* wasted. So was Hawking. [Link]

Hey, I just noticed that my #TED speaker's shwag bag contains a Guatemalan man servant! Cool! [Link]

Of all the things I took away from #TED, it's the smug sense of self importance I'll cherish the most. And Jennifer Connelly's underpants. [Link]

Aaaaand... scene. [Link]